Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Crack pie

Crack Pie, another decidedly unhealthy yet delicious creation of the (in)famous Momofuku franchise, has been on my to-bake list for months now.  It's essentially a butter-caramel tart with a crispy oatmeal cookie crust--enough to give you diabetes just by reading the ingredients.  Do yourself a favor and cut off your foot now.

The recipe yields two 10-inch pies.  Typically, I would halve the measurements to make only one, but after reading all the rave reviews, I didn't want to chance pie withdrawal.

I have a problem.  The butter, it calls to me.

After tasting it, even Martha Stewart herself asked for the recipeJesus H. Christ, that's Martha H. Stewart.  And what's good enough for Martha is probably too good for me, but I deserve some happiness too.  Even if I don't make my own ricotta and wear 10,000-ply cashmere.

The first and most important step is to GET MILK.  Do not skip this step.   Even those with an inordinate amount of hubris (I'm looking at you, Miley Cyrus) will experience regret when forced to wash down the most extraordinary dessert in the world with plain, old water.

You may initially think, "I don't need milk.  I don't like milk.  And above all, I don't have milk," but you will ultimately be left with both egg and tears on your face.  Get the milk.

The preparation is basically three parts: 1) baking cookies for the crust; 2) forming the shell; and 3) mixing the filling.  While labor intensive, the overall difficulty level is as easy as...a gratuitous word pun.

"All that heavy cream in a dessert?" you may ask.  "I'd rather just order one and save myself the trouble.  What does she know?"

Well, the answer is: not much.  But I do know it's either 44 billz for a pie or a couple of hours til cheap, homemade nirvana.  And I've learned my lesson: never again put off a recipe calling for this much brown sugar.  Make this now.  Don't be like me.  And more importantly, don't be like Miley.

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